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Conversations That Inspire: Coaching Learning, Leadership and Change

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Case Western Reserve University

Conversations That Inspire: Coaching Learning, Leadership and Change

143 оценки

Курс 3 из 5 — Specialization Inspired Leadership

Coaching can inspire and motivate people to learn, change, and be effective leaders, among other roles in life. Although most attempts are “coaching for compliance” (coaching someone to your wishes or expectations), decades of behavioral and neuroscience research show us that “coaching with compassion” (coaching someone to their dreams and desires) is more effective.

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Week 3: Coaching for the Ideal Self and Relationships

The ideal self is centered on autonomous motivation: what a person wants to do, and results in sustained, desired change. Conversely, the ought self is based on controlled motivation: what a person feels they must do based on the standards of others. The ideal self comprises hope, core identity, and an image of a desired future, and is fueled by optimism and self-efficacy. We then turn to the two forms of empathy: empathy with the head (a form of conceptual understanding and cognitive processing which implicates both the TPN and DMN) and empathy with the heart (genuine emphatic concern, which engages the DMN alone); with our focus on the need to develop emotional self-awareness in order to serve others, while appropriately balancing both forms of empathy as the coaching situation demands. Lastly, we explore the notion of genuine listening in a coaching relationship (as opposed to mere 'hearing' the other person speak), and outline a case for "listening beyond the words": giving our full attention to the other person to establish what lies beyond the words, and what meaning we can derive from what that other person is saying.

Watch: Listening and Noticing9:41

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Ellen VanOosten, PhD
Assistant Professor of Organizational Behavior, Director Coaching Research Lab
Melvin Smith
Professor of Organizational Behavior, Faculty Director, Executive Education
Richard Boyatzis
Distinguished University Professor, and a Professor in the Departments of Organizational Behavior, Psychology, and Cognitive Science

[MUSIC]

Hello again, and thanks for joining me for some more learning.

In this module, we'll discuss the role of the coach, and

the importance of listening.

Once thing that's evident about coaching is that the nature of coaching

engagements can and does vary widely based on a couple of factors.

Mostly, the needs of the individual sponsor or, in some cases,

the organizational sponsor, as well as, the objectives for

the client engagement, but regardless of the specific coaching context,

every coaching interaction is shaped by a diatic conversation by two individuals.

Or in the application of a team or a group between the coach and

a group of individuals.

In all cases, your role as coach is to facilitate self directed learning

a development for the coachee.

To optimize the possibility that self directed learning occurs,

you'll need to make connections at a personal and

emotional level, shaped in large part by the coaching conversations you have.

To inform our learning here, we draw upon the great work of Jane Dutton,

Emily Heaphy, and John Paul Stevens on high quality connections.

These researchers suggest that human connections are vital

to accomplish the work of the group or organisation, and that high quality

connections are life giving, and explain why and how people thrive at work.

This notion is easily extended to coaching in considering that positive,

life-giving connections are essential for effective coaching and

also to establish a trusting, supportive coaching relationship.

So an application for you, as coaches, is that to inspire a coachee to engage

in a learning and development process, you need to be mindful

about creating high quality connections in the conversations you have.

Your ability to listen well and with empathy becomes crucial.

I'd encourage you to reflect on what it means to listen well

in your own experience.

Better yet, when someone else is listening to you, how do you feel.

If you're like most people, it feels great.

You feel cared for, you feel special.

That's because at a very fundamental human level, we all want to be understood and

appreciated.

When we take the time to listen to another person.

We demonstrate that we value them and we care about what they have to say.

Listening is also important because it helps us to achieve a greater

understanding of what's happening in a situation and

learn important information in the process.

But as basic and straight forward as this is,

most of us struggle with being truly present and listening deeply.

Often instead of listening to what the other person is saying,

we are listening more to what we are about to say next.

So what is listening?

We turn to our friend Merriam-Webster, in the dictionary, which defines listening as

to give an ear to, to hear something with thoughtful attention.

And to be alert to catch an anticipated sound like the cry of a baby.

Empathic listening is paying attention with empathy which allows you the chance

to connect emotionally at the same time you are connecting cognitively.

In empathic or even active listening, sometimes they're used interchangeably.

You intent is to fully understand the other persons message and

indicate your respect for his or her point of view.

It's not necessarily to agree with the other person and

that's where sometimes people get confused.

But through our words and

body language the other person should be getting the message that I may or

may not agree with you, but first I want to understand what you have to say.

And even if we disagree, I accept and respect that you have your point of view.

So this may sound like nothing new here, and admittedly, it is basic.

So much so that we are even designed biologically to be great listeners.

There's a wonderful quote from a Greek philosopher that states,

we have two ears and one mouth, so that we can listen more than we speak.

However, that's not our universal experience.

In reality most of us struggle with listening, and many think that they're

better certainly at empathic listening than they actually are.

To help you assess your tendencies, we've designed a short quiz.

It'll only take you a few minutes to complete.

You'll see six statements pertaining to listening habits.

Rate yourself on the extent to which each statement applies to you,

by writing frequently, occasionally, or rarely next to each one.

Pause the recording now and complete the quiz.

Well, how did you do?

If you wrote occasionally next to a number of statements, imagine a yellow,

blinking light alerting you to be cautious.

If you wrote frequently a number of times, imagine that to be a red,

blinking light, alerting you that you have something to pay attention to.

Clearly we're being a bit playful here as these statements represent some pitfalls

many of us face in trying to listen well.

Pitfalls like interrupting others,

jumping to conclusions before the other person is finished speaking, maybe

judging what the other person is saying while they're in the midst of saying it.

So if listening is so basic.

Why do these pitfalls occur?

And why is it really so hard?

In my work with students and managers and

leaders, I hear a number of responses frequently mentioned.

Things like, well just being destructed gets in the way or

moving too fast causes me to not listen so well.

Doing too many things at once, gets in the way.

Being uncomfortable with silence, is often mentioned.

But the response I hear the most,

is that people get too easily caught up in their own thoughts.

Their tension is turned inward versus outward to the other person

to whom their speaking.

So what could you do about these things?

Slowing down, practicing being more mindful,

being more fully present in conversations are ways to counter these tendencies.

But to go a little deeper, we offer, there are three different levels of listening,

and I'll explain these in a little more detail.

Level 1 is called internal listening.

This is also known as the me level.

As we listen to another person, we hear his or her words, and

then we decide what they mean to use personally.

Not in a selfish way, but in a way to connect with the other individual.

So even though it may look like we are engaged with the other person,

in Level 1 listening our attention is turned in on ourselves.

So our awareness is inwardly focused on how we can relate to what's being said.

Connecting begins with level one listening.

This is where relationships begin and are often sustained

as we find common ground on which to connect with another person.

Level 2 is called focused listening.

When we demonstrate Level 2 listening,

we give our full attention to the other person.

We're curious about what he or she is saying and

what might lie beneath the words.

Sometimes, what is not being said is as important as the words spoken.

As listeners at this level, we use all of our senses and

our intuition to really understand the other person.

The goal here is to understand, not to solve or to influence.

A third and final level we'd offer is called Listening Beyond the Words.

Much of what is described in Level 2 also applies for Level 3 listening,

what's different is we add a bigger context to our listening experience.

We're now interested in what lies beyond the words.

How are we experience another person's energy is a question?

How are we detecting a bigger issue than what he or she might be saying,

is what we're hearing consistent with what we already know about the individual?

Coaching happens with Level 2 and Level 3 listening.

And that's because this is where trust begins and

depth resides in a relationship.

So as you listen from level two or

three, you can begin to make choices about what kind of intervention,

what kind of questions, where you might take the conversation.

And as you make these choices, watch for the impact it has on the other person.

So in summary, connecting begins with Level 1 listening, but

coaching resides in Level 2 and Level 3 listening.

As an application of our discussion here, we have a reflective exercise for

you to do.

It's simple.

You want to use your personal learning journal for this.

In the next week, spend time each day reflecting on conversations you had, and

rate the quality of your connection and how well you listened.

On a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being high quality connection and

really great listening and 1 being a low connection and not so great listening.

Rate each conversation.

At the end of the week look for patterns in your listening habits, and

then consider the impact that has on your coaching.

This concludes our module on listening.

I hope you found this information helpful and applicable in your coaching.

Thank you for joining me, and I'll see you soon.

[MUSIC]

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