Another important thing that comes up in relationships are problems.
So I think with a lot of people there tends to be these two reoccurring
themes that come up in a lot of people's relationships when their
questioning if it's working.
And one of those would be communication, are we communicating properly?
And another one would be are we actually compatible, do we jive?
>> So I think yeah, communication is obviously a big thing for
people in our area of work.
Like people in couples counselling, who are in social work,
they believe that most relationships can
be improved if you improve the communication.
But then of course the important thing is that you have to assume that
after improved communication
the two parties involved would be able to move
on in a reasonably satisfactory manner.
I have a few things to say here, all right.
One is obviously communication helps.
And even when communication is improved and
it leads to the termination or transformation of a relationship.
It actually may not be a bad thing all together,
so I'm all for improving communication.
If the two partners are not compatible, I think it would be better for
them to find out earlier rather than later.
And then if they understand where the incompatibility is,
then may be better ways to deal with it.
And then the outcome can be transformation or
even termination of the relationship, which is not always a bad thing.
>> So you're saying that
you would be able to find out, maybe if you're not compatible, potentially through communication.
And then you can work on compatibility issues through communication as well.
Could it also be vice versa, you can work on your communication issues if you're
really compatible with each other.
[LAUGH] >> Yeah, well this is another thing that
a lot of people probably do not buy, but this is my own personal take.
>> Okay.
If you compare a relationship to an investment,
well, actually people do invest in relationships.
So they are investing their energy, their time, their feelings or emotions and
sometimes they also invest resources.
So when you look at something that you are heavily invested in,
you may want to be asking yourself at a certain stage of the relationship,
do I want to continue to invest in this relationship?
Or will I be better off if I invest my energy, my time,
my feelings, emotions, and resources elsewhere?
And I think that's a legitimate question to ask by whoever.
Obviously some people would have a lot of problem with me saying that.
Because people would say relationship is not exactly investment, and
we are not doing trading here.
>> Yes, yes.
>> And love would involve embracing and
engaging with the other person, making some sacrifices even.
I'm totally okay with that, and I think that there's a lot of value in that.
But I'm just wanting to introduce another angle when we look at communication.
Because communication helps us to understand, to see the reality better,
and what do we do when the reality becomes obvious?
So if you start a relationship based on a misunderstanding or
misperception of the other person and then you spend some time finding this out.
And then you come to this understanding that
this is not exactly the person that I fell in love with, all right?